Being Bitter

A couple days ago, I had my interview for BBN (I WAS THE FIRST INTERVIEWEE) and I think I did fine. However, I have been slowly preparing myself for rejection…

This year I’ve been lucky. I was fortunate enough to become Activities Chair in Key Club and treasurer in LiNK (Liberty in North Korea). My year has been a good one (clubs and organizations wise) and I know not everyones’ has been. One of my friends and I were talking about applying for board positions or positions of any kind. Somewhere in our talk, I said something along the lines of, “But I mean, it’s fine if I don’t get the position.” When that slipped, they told me I said that only because I had been so fortunate in my previous applications and interviews.  SONY DSC

I’m not angry or annoyed at those who cry when they don’t get the position or spot they want. I understand that you poured out your heart into something and wanted it to become something great. Those people deserve to cry and vent all they want, but I have no sympathy for those who get bitter. I believe I’m a good friend. I support and love those around me and they all know it. I’ve been told on several occasions that I’m a weak person because I don’t know how to say no to people. I agree with that. I try to please everyone and I don’t like to burn bridges (destroy relationships).

Going back; what is bitterness/being bitter? It’s being a hypocrite. One moment, they love the club or organization and all it stands for. A couple of seconds later, they hate it and “sarcastically” say they’re leaving it or didn’t like it anyway. The other day, club positions were announced at a district level. I hold a position at school level. When one my friends didn’t make the position they wanted, they cussed out the club and didn’t even want to be at the event. “I’m not going to cry for this sh*t. I’m not having a pity party”. Upon realizing I was standing there, they shunned me. “Oooh look, a board member. She’s different guys, shun her. She has her board to attend to anyway.”

I laughed it off, but the words cut through me like no other. This was my “friend” who couldn’t even be happy for me. On a separate occasion, I was told by a “friend” that I would make it into the organization anyway, so I should just drop out and wait until my junior year to apply, because next year would be their senior year. AS IF MY APPLICATION WOULD MAKE OR BREAK THEIR’S.

Photo Credits: www.catster.com

Quite literally my face when they said that. Photo Credits: http://www.catster.com

“If you get in, you should just drop out because you already have so many things to be happy about. Think about me and how sad I would be.” I don’t cuss often- in fact almost not at all, but HOW FUDGING SELFISH OF YOU?! Everything happens for a reason and if you don’t get into something, please please PLEASE (and I’m begging on my knees) don’t stop your friends from reaching their goals and potentials.

At that point, it no longer even mattered to me that I was applying for the role. What they had asked from me crossed the line. How much more selfish could a person be? How can you offer to keep me in an unlocked cage while you’re trying to figure out how to get out? I just doesn’t make sense.

I think everything happens to you for a reason- so don’t get upset. Very recently, my class has been “BRAWLING” a term used by my English teacher, which you can learn more about here! Basically, it’s a competitive Socratic Seminar/discussion about a book we’ve been reading. This time around, that book happens to be The Count of Monte Cristo. I think this book is centered around the three main ideas of: REVENGE, DECEIT, and JUSTICE.

SONY DSCAfter finding himself accused of treason at the peak of his happiness, 19-year-old sailor Dantes is thrown into prison, where his life changes forever. For the next 14 years he lives alongside a “mad” priest who gives him the map to a large treasure. After escaping from the prison, Dantes discovers the treasure and chooses the path of revenge. Now that he is unrecognizable and incredibly wealthy, he returns to those who have wrong him in order to bring-what he believes, is justice for their actions toward him.

A central theme in this book is karma and justifying those who have wronged you. I believe that everything happens for a reason, but in Dantes’ perspective, he had to bring the wrong to justice and in doing so, could potentially hurt himself. In all honesty though, if I was in Dantes position, I would of seek revenge as well. Wouldn’t it feel great to avenge those who have done you wrong? I think it’s human nature to want to know that your enemy has fallen.

I would feel like a boss if I could get revenge on my enemies AND be a step ahead of them. This reminded me of a movie I watched with my uncle when I was a little kid. Although I don’t remember much about it, I know it was a court case and one party was ALWAYS several steps ahead of the other. The movie was called Fracture and upon looking it up, I found out that Ryan Gosling was in it. (I don’t know what the hype about Ryan Gosling is guys. Someone enlighten me please.)

Like the bad guy in the movie (I know, I sound like I’m five), Ted Crawford, Dantes aka the Count of Monte Cristo, seems to be one step ahead of everyone else. He carries out his plans very carefully and make sure not to leave behind any tracks. However, since I’ve seen the movie Fracture, I wonder if this will foreshadow the events for Dantes, like it did for Ted Crawford.

Happy ponderings,

Katrya

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2 responses to “Being Bitter

    • Thank you, Mr. Theriault!! I’m super happy I got to be apart of your class this year. Blogging has opened up a whole new world of expression for me 🙂

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